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1 Guren Clan on Fri Aug 15, 2014 8:04 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
Delete plz



Last edited by Sanmiittai on Sun Jul 05, 2015 1:24 pm; edited 63 times in total (Reason for editing : Jutsu)

2 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:53 am

Kyohei

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Special Jounin
The exact statistical benefits of the doujutsu need to be given and the jutsu need to be made to follow the jutsu guidelines.


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3 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:58 am

Sanmiittai

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Genin
Kyohei wrote:The exact statistical benefits of the doujutsu need to be given and the jutsu need to be made to follow the jutsu guidelines.

Ok, sorry about that, WIP


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You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
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4 Re: Guren Clan on Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:14 pm

Sanosuke

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Genin
Water Deflection Art: This jutsu seems to do a lot for a C Rank technique. So not only can this technique be used to deflect incoming projectiles, but also cause water needles at surprisingly fast speeds as well? I believe as a C Rank, it should do one or the other. Also reduce the speeds for the technique as well. It moves too fast for a C Rank. Also take away the part that says it's impossible to dodge as well.

Formation Of The Stars: Please list the minimum endurance needed to withstand the stunning effects of the techinque as well. And the range of the technique as well along with the cooldown as well. Also if this is going to be a full paralysis technique then technique should be moved to at least B rank. Also describe how long the stun last as well.

Chakra Restoring Technique: Chakra restoration is banned on Saga so please remove this.

(for more information about the jutsu rules on this site, please reference this link here:
http://www.narutosaga.com/t11745-jutsu-rules)


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Sano's Song | Battle Song | Depressing Song
Missions
D-9, C-6, B-5, A-4, S-6, SS-2

5 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:09 am

Sanmiittai

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Genin
ok it's all fixed.


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


6 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:07 am

Kyohei

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Special Jounin
Everything in the kekkei genkai description that is of benefit to the character needs to be quantified in some way. Maybe take a look around at other clans to see how you would implement the advantages you want. As of now, it's just a paragraph that can't really translate into any tangible benefits for your character.


Zodiac Flash: The mechanical side of this jutsu needs to be tweaked a bit. The "dazing" aspect will need to be quantified as far as the actual impact it has at each rank. The only way this will be able to knock somebody out is if there is clear counterplay to it, which you would have to write into the jutsu. Also, one post cooldowns aren't really a thing for offensive jutsu. An actual range needs to be given. Doujutsu is not a specialty as far as jutsu are concerned, merely a classification. This technique is ninjutsu as far as I can tell.


Water Reflection: This is ninjutsu. A real range needs to be defined. "2-5 posts depends" give it a real duration or make it maintainable. The cooldown will need to be longer than the duration.


Zodiac Eclipse: This seems like it would require intricate knowledge of the human body's physiology, and I'm inclined to make this require medical of some form. How exactly are you tearing the tendons? I mean, just kicking someone isn't going to tear all the tendons in their legs. This needs to be given an actual range. How is this lasting two posts if it's a single attack? The cooldown needs to be higher.


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7 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Sep 14, 2014 4:43 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
is that better?


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


8 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Sep 15, 2014 10:18 pm

Mikage

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C-Rank
The kekkei genkai needs to be developed much more. Right now, it's really vague about its abilities, and also it mentions sharing properties with the Byakugan, nothing concrete is mentioned. Please specifically describe everything you want this clan to have as its kekkei genkai. Drawbacks will need to be added to in order to balance out the kekkei genkai, once it's fixed.

Will mod the jutsu once the kekkei genkai is cleared up. In particularly, I'd like to mention that Zodiac Eclipse would require some form of chakra sensory in order to see the chakra points and hit them effectively.

9 Re: Guren Clan on Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:32 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
Better Mi?


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


10 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Sep 21, 2014 2:57 pm

Mikage

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C-Rank
This is starting to feel like the Hyuga clan with additional abilities. Clans need to have their own unique kekkei genkai (if they start with one), and at the moment, this clan appears to be infringing on the abilities of another clan. Please change the kkg.

11 Re: Guren Clan on Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:01 am

Sanmiittai

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Genin
better?


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


12 Re: Guren Clan on Fri Oct 03, 2014 10:28 pm

Sanmiittai

avatar

Genin
bump


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


13 Re: Guren Clan on Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:15 pm

Tame

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S-rank
Zodiac Flash: A complete KO is not permissible at D-rank, or even C or B, I'd say. Even at A-rank, a simple one-post stun (as in, the target is stunned and unable to take any action, jutsu or otherwise) is very potent. Making someone pass out is an extremely powerful ability, and not to be relegated to lower ranks (even if it's only a chance of success, there's very little way to fairly decide when it works and when it doesn't). This, in its current form, has to be S-rank and nothing else.

Water Reflection is fine, save for that you should state what can break/pass through the water walls (jutsu wise and physical strength wise). Is it inherently necessary that the user activate Zodiac Flash after the opponent is caught by this jutsu? (But, you should wait to adjust this after Zodiac Flash anyhow.) You can put 1.5m in the jutsu's Range: section rather than below the jutsu.

Zodiac Eclipse: So, you hit the chakra points....what does that do besides damaging tendons? Also, you should detail what the damage to the tendons will manifest as. Will it be more difficult to walk? Or...?
The range cannot scale with the rank of user if it's not a multi-rank jutsu; please use one set range and put it in the Range: section.


The Doujutsu itself gives a slightly widened field of vision, which is pretty alright. However, recreating an image of the world behind the clan member by using other senses' input doesn't exactly flow with the clan, due to them not having heightened non-sight senses to begin with. Though I suppose this could scale with the Perception stat, I don't think that it "gels" so to speak with the rest of the clan.

Another notable thing is, in order to use one of your clan jutsu, you would not only need to see chakra, but the Tenketsu themselves (normal chakra sensory cannot do this, to my knowledge); this is something that, in canon, has been exclusively relegated to the Byakugan.....which, with the seeing chakra inside bodies, the attempt to have technical 360-degree vision (by creating it with other senses), and attacking Tenketsu.....this really does look too much like the Hyuuga.
I would ask you to modify your Doujutsu further.


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14 Re: Guren Clan on Sat Nov 08, 2014 1:27 am

Sanmiittai

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Genin
better, Tame?


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


15 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:51 pm

Tame

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S-rank
Zodiac Flash: The percentiles don't work and would either be manipulated by the user or by the target (15% and 12%, if left up to the target, means you will never hit anyone with it) to their respective favor. I will not allow this jutsu, period, below S-rank.

Water Reflection: You imply this is unbreakable, but then mention regeneration, which means it is breakable. Detail what exactly you mean.

Zodiac Eclipse: Okay, they have difficulty walking; does this translate to a -1 to speed, or something? Also, 'and what not' is not a good thing to put in a jutsu. You should be concise and thorough in your descriptions. Antibiotics don't make sense in reversing this jutsu's effect; that would require that you had used bacteria of some sort to cause the damage. Regular medical ninjutsu should be able to fix this just fine.

-------

The KKG still gives a 2x speed boost, and 'amazing' reflexes and agility, without saying why.

You have 140-180 degree vision in front of you, as well as the ability to see the Tenketsu; granted, you do not have any long-range sight abilities.

However, your drawbacks are abysmally lacking. Not being able to use a specialization is not a valid drawback for balancing purposes, as you probably do not have plans to use the prohibited specialization(s) on your character anyhow.
You need at least 3 more drawbacks, including what happens when the eyes are used for too long.


____

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~The Whimsical Sniper~
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16 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:25 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
updated, and i got rid of Water Reflection, it being unnecessary.


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


17 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:55 pm

Tame

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S-rank
Human biology lesson that I myself just remembered: The normal horizontal range of vision for a human is 180 degrees, plus a bit more for peripheral vision. Thus

You don't connect the eye to the speed buff. What you gave is way too vague and unconnected to the actual KKG of the clan (the Doujutsu).

For the drawback, you never actually state the limit that a user has at all....nor do you state the chakra cost for this Doujutsu's activation/maintenance. I don't know what a -1 to walking or a -2 to eyesight is. I think you might mean Reaction Time and Perception as stats, respectively.

Zodiac Flash: You can have the effective percentage of effectiveness be 100%, but lower the range to 20m. You can have a KO if you cast the jutsu twice on the same target (rather, pay another 30 chakra the second post). However, detail how long they are stunned or passed out for.

Zodiac Eclipse: Your 'zodiac level' flavor text in the beginning of the jutsu description is very confusing at first. Just say that the user can target either the arms or the legs with this jutsu. However, at second glance, this jutsu makes no sense. You see the chakra points, not the tendons, with your Doujutsu. Logically, you would not be able to pinpoint these without a Medical specialization.


____

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~The Whimsical Sniper~
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18 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:20 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
is that better Tame?


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


19 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:38 pm

Noriko

avatar

D-Rank
Zodiac Flash: Durations need to be in posts, not in minutes/days.

Zodiac Eclipse: There is still the discrepancy from last post.

Stat boosts from Doujutsu: Ditto the above. You didn't do what I asked.


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20 Re: Guren Clan on Tue Dec 16, 2014 11:38 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
updated u_u


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


21 Re: Guren Clan on Fri Dec 19, 2014 2:33 pm

Tame

avatar

S-rank
The stat boosts are still unrelated to the eye power, you don't give a time at which the eye becomes strained.

Zodiac Eclipse: Better. I'll get to tweaking this once other more major issues are resolved.

Zodiac Flash: Remove percentages; you get KO or stun, choose one. Also give a definite duration.


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~The Whimsical Sniper~
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22 Re: Guren Clan on Sat Dec 20, 2014 1:57 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
Updated ^u^~*


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


23 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:29 pm

Tame

avatar

S-rank
Zodiac Flash: What I meant was, give a single number, not 2 to 5.

Stat boosts: You still don't tie them directly to the eye. There is no such thing as a +1.5 to a stat. In addition, the total of the Hoshigan's stat boosts is 3 tiers or more....which makes it equivalent to an S-rank jutsu. Cut down on the stat boosts or make it only obtainable by an S-rank ninja.


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:Ninja Info Card:

~The Whimsical Sniper~
Profile||Armory||Jutsu
Marks Hunted:
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24 Re: Guren Clan on Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:34 pm

Sanmiittai

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Genin
updated


____

You can call me, San, Blue, Bara, Shades or Aoi c:
I have school, so i might not be around a lot though.
Sanmiittai ninja info card:


25 Re: Guren Clan on Mon Dec 29, 2014 1:25 pm

Tame

avatar

S-rank
I really don't know what to say; you haven't been following what I want you to do on your Doujutsu part for about 4 posts. There will be no further modding on this clan until you do what I've been asking.

Zodiac flash: I'd appreciate if you didn't go with the maximum. 1 or 2 posts of long-range KO is deadly enough. You should give some sort of either requirement (eye contact) or visual sign other than your eye that it's activated.


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:Ninja Info Card:

~The Whimsical Sniper~
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