You are not connected. Please login or register

View previous topic View next topic Go down Message [Page 1 of 1]

1 Bakuhatsu on Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:27 pm

Hiroko

avatar

Genin
Symbol:


Clan: Bakuhatsu Clan

Kekkei Genkai: Haretsu Release (Rupture release)

Elements: Fūton, Katon

Specialization: Ninjutsu

Location: Sunagakure no Sato

Clan History: The Bakuhatsu Clan was born very long ago. This clan was almost always very little compared to other clans. The clan was always known as the Bakuhatsu clan, but they weren't the same. Their Kekkei Genkai had nothing special. They were usually a ninja army based on explosives. They lived in a little village in a giant cave in the middle of the dessert.

After about a century of their power, a ninja fight was started in the village. A short fight too look for a secrete ninja technique called Haretsu. During the devastating 13 days in war, one of the groups won and took the scroll with the secret jutsu. After the war though, the ones who lost were seen as traitors, and because of that, a little group of the winning group decided to do something to make them pay. They decided to destroy the cave and kill them all with a huge amount of gigantic rocks. The plan killed almost all the population of the clan, not only the other group, but it also buried anyone who didn't know about the plan which were actually the majority. After this, only about a dozen of ninja survived. They killed that amount of people because of the darkness of their new jutsu.

From then on, the clan was very small. Nobody knew anymore about the existence of this jutsu except the clan itself. About only a few years, the clan revived being still a small family, but the dark ninjutsu is now common in the clan itself.

Kekkei Genkai Description: The Haretsu Release is a special style of Ninjutsu which allows the user to literally cause chakra to explode. The Haretsu clan is specialized in three different ways, external, internal  and virtual Haretsu.
The external Haretsu allows them to explode chakra in other living things. It also causes this jutsu not only to cost chakra from the user, but since it literally explodes the target chakra, they lose some chakra as well. This causes the enemy to lose the same amount of chakra than the user of the jutsu. This jutsu require contact with a target with chakra, if not, this simply can't be used.
The internal Haretsu allows them to explode their own chakra. This is usually used to create explosions in their punches or attacks to cause more damage. This Haretsu doesn't necessarily need a target with chakra, but it has no other effects on the target except for the damage.
The virtual Haretsu allows the user to virtually manipulate their own chakra and move it around through solid or liquid objects. This techniques use double chakra but give a bigger variety of moves to the users.
Any Haretsu jutsu is very destructive and raw powerful.

Drawbacks: This clan can't have genjutsu, taijutsu or genjutsu skills at all. And they can only have one element in total. Haretsu ninjutsu has no defensive or supplementary capabilities either, so they can't use defensive or supplementary jutsu with this Kekkei Genkai.

Members:


Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:

Basic Internal Haretsu:
Name: Basic Internal Haretsu
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Element: Fūton, Katon, Raiton
Range: Self
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 2 posts
Description: The user literally causes an explosion in any part of his body by exploding his own chakra. By doing this, his attacks can be stronger than usual strikes and have a bigger destructive and burning power. The explosion won't hurt the user though.

Basic External Hareki:
Name: Basic External Haretsu
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Element: Fūton, Katon, Raiton
Range: Self
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 2 posts
Description: The user has to touch his target first. Then, by using both chakras, he creates an explosion in the enemy's body. This attack can only target one enemy. The enemy will also lose the same amount of chakra than the user in this jutsu.

Basic Virtual Haretsu:
Name: Basic Virtual Haretsu
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Element: Fūton, Katon, Raiton
Range: Self
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 2 posts
Description: The user touches anything, can't be bigger than 5 meters radius and can't be alive (trees and plants aren't considered alive in this case). The user will move his chakra to that single object and then cause it to explode. This attack has a huge destructive power but it costs double chakra to perform.

2 Re: Bakuhatsu on Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:57 pm

Hiroko

avatar

Genin
Bumping for approval

3 Re: Bakuhatsu on Fri Mar 13, 2015 6:43 pm

Ayakashi

avatar



For future reference, when waiting for something to be done, post a link to the thing you want approved in the requests thread for that area... like, the clan requests thread, which is a sticky at the top of the forum, the jutsu and characters and training and missions all also have these threads. Us mods check these threads for what we need to do~

Now, onto your clan~

General:

Hostory is fine, change the elements to Doton - Raiton - Bakuton

and explain why they're not in Iwa. please, cos, otherwise they should be locked to iwa, and honestly, i would prefer this.

KKG description

I'm modding this as an explosion release clan, so i am going to be VERY hard on this clan, it is going to have to be of the highest possible quality to be approved, quality equal to that of clans made by the administration, if not higher in some cases. This is a disclaimer. As explosion release is a banned advanced elemental nature.

External:You're not blowing up the chakra in people's systems, even on contact as it borders on godmodding and i don't see any available balance in such an ability, so this facet of your KKG is denied.

Internal: You're going to need to go into much higher detail with this, how does the chakra interact with itself so that it doesn't blow off the user's hand as it is an external force with Tai that you cannot control without nin. What is the limitations of this?

Virtual: You're going to need to describe its capabilities and limitations far more than this, what can it do? give examples, and more.

Disadvantages:

You do not have enough of them, and all your jutsu need 3 elements, your clan elements are 2 elements, how can you use them if they can only have 1 element... ? I would like to see 3-4 different 'active' drawbacks on this clan. Active drawbacks are drawbacks which play an active part in roleplaying as a member of this clan, including -1's, negative SC's you can't balance, weaknesses to elements or specs, and other such things. Not limiting the pool of elements / specs they can choose from (ie. clan members cannot use summoning, is 'not' a drawback.)

Jutsu:

#1 -- Why doesn't it hurt the user, how much stronger, how does it make your strike stronger? it requires 3 elements to use, but you only have 1 element due to your drawbacks

#2 -- this jutsu is denied for reasons above, it borders on god-modding in dynamic and its minimum power of any of these abilities would be A-S... not D

#3 --  no damage listed, please fix, the range isn't self, i imagine as it's moving through things, it needs a fixed explosive radii, and I can see such a potential of abuse in this technique, you're going to need to give some more restrictions in it, rather than simply, charging a persons clothing gambit style, and then detonating it with no potential for counter-play as there's also no timing mentioned on the explosion.

You have a loooot of work to do on this clan. I'm not going to sugar-coat it.

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Explosion_Release


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

Sponsored content



View previous topic View next topic Back to top Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum

Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden belong to © Masashi Kishimoto.