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1 Tenrin Clan on Wed Jun 03, 2015 1:45 am

Elin

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Chuunin
Symbol:


Clan: Tenrin (Heaven Circle)

Kekkei Genkai: Tengan (Heaven's Eye)

Elements: No Element

Specialization: Fuuinjutsu primary + Bukijutsu secondary

Location: Kumogakure

Clan History:Long ago there were two people who opposed eachother, two people who waged a great war to determine who was the greatest of the two clans. They were not the Senju or the Uchiha, they were two forgotten clans who could no longer make a name for themselves.

The Ten clan had been devided as both clans whose names had been forgotten could not get along as they both became foils to one another making them essentially worthless on the battlefield as the opposing nation would simply pick from the other clan. Both clans possessed unique eyes that were formed through extensive sealing through generations in their blood, the blood generally gathers chakra and then sends it mainly to the eyes resulting in their source of chakra being in their eyes.


The first clan was the clan of the Guardians who chose to protect all those around them, they had a unique light coming from their eyes which allowed them to create a strange ethereal warrior as well as many other creations from weapons to towers to buildings their powers were an annoyance as almost any attack was stopped by monolithic creations, however they lacked the power to attack and were forced to master the use of weapons and innovative methods in which to unleash attacks indirectly. Their eyes would glow the stronger their eyes became, however they came in beautiful colors of white,blue and green. Though their white version gave the impression of byakugan when in fact it was nothing like that.
The second clan was the clan of the Sappers who were brilliant at sabotage as well as destroying everything in their path, they had the ability to see things as matter, and with this their eyes could not create but simply rip the fabric of all things apart and destroy anything which did not have a will of its own. However through the use of weapons to extend this power and the ability to create massive destruction in various forms they were considered a danger to society and had large red eyes which normally led to people thinking it was another form of the sharingan when in fact it had nothing to do with that.
As time passed the clans had a great war which was stopped by two people, a woman from the clan of guardians chose to protect her only child who had been attacked by her own people, in response her husband destroyed her entire clan as the man would be a father to his child. However things did not go well as the clan of this man chose to attack, in the end together they fought and so their child was saved.
As the child grew his eyes changed baring the red color of his father's clan and the glow of his mothers clan. Each eye was different, although weaker the left eye possessed the ability of creationg while the right eye possessed the ability of Destruction.

As time passed the clan grew as the child bore children and while not all bared the eyes, the clan itself grew and having united through the forbidden love the heaven's clans united eternally and so their union caused the clan to be renamed Tenrin.
Many years later at an unknown time the villages encountered problems as the clan's right eye was not stable, with murders happening in fits of anger and missions going horribly wrong when the eye would target their allies which lead to the entire clan being decimated, however the eyes lived on and were discovered by an unknown shinobi from the hidden cloud. The person experimented day in and day out and eventually some successful experiments survived, it is not really known how many survived but they remain hidden deep within society normally hiding their eyes while those who do not know about their eyes generally just learn its abilities and understand them after a while. Along with the name which lives on in the eyes, the name of their clan which will be known only to them and the Raikage who knows of these experiments. As long as the eyes were weak they posed no threat, however in order to protect the village the Raikage would have to choose between a failure who can not control it and a success that might prove to be an asset or weapon in the future.



Kekkei Genkai Description:
Members of this clan have a unique fuuinjutsu based doujutsu known as the Tengan. Each of the clan member's eyes bear a seal which seals half of their bodies chakra within them (Eg, at genin each of the clan member's eyes hold 75 of their chakra, and if an eye is destroyed, they lose that chakra.).

Members of this clan take ace eye without balancing

All jutsu begin from the eyes so when activated if using chakra sensing a shinobi will be able to tell a jutsu has been started also eyes tend to glow when jutsu are about to be used or when chakra is being drawn from the eye.
Jutsu Spec will always be Fuuinjutsu or Fuuinjutsu + Other Spec. This clan can not have a jutsu without this and all academy jutsu are considered a hybrid of fuuinjutsu.

Each of their two eyes can be used to cast fuuinjutsu techniques at a distance within a radius in their direct line of sight based on the rank of the eye, as if the user was standing in that location, potentially extending the range of the jutsu or simply casting them remotely. Though, jutsu projected this way take a varied amount of time to appear before they are activated.

it is to be noted, that sensory techniques looking at members of this clan, cannot see chakra within any of their body unless they are using a jutsu, the only source of chakra they would see is their eyes.

The left eye aka the left eye of creation will use jutsu that create forms of chakra which can guard, protect and do a variety of things how ever their damage is generally low. Ratio for offense to defense must always be 1:5. Always has one rank of less damage.

The right eye aka the right eye of destruction will use jutsu that either causes destruction of some kind or will channel chakra that has the ability to destroy things.Ratio for defense to offense must always be 1:5. Is unable to be used for healing or recovery.

Each eye must be trained separately and some gain unique abilities based on the rank they become.

Eyes have a passive state and an active state. P refers to Passive and A refers to A

Rank Breakdown

E-Rank - P: Both eyes possess the ability to be used for the generic sealing technique.

Destructive drawback each eye drains ten chakra passively at this rank

Perception drawback eyes have nearsightedness of 5 meters as long as one eye is still of E-rank. Also user gets -1 to perception per eye and is unable to use ace eye



D rank - P: Eye is able to use jutsu equal to its rank this ability persists for all ranks beyond this. Right Eye gains genjutsu kai jutsu at this rank. All other academy techniques are usable with Left Eye at this rank

Cast Range of Jutsu is now 2m, if cast outside of pointblank range it confers a 1 post delay

Destructive drawback eye drains five chakra passively at this rank

Perception drawback remains, however ace eye is now enabled and nearsightedness is now at 10 meters.



C rank - P: No longer suffer perception drawbacks

Cast Range of Jutsu is now 5m, if cast within this range it confers a 1 second delay

A: Enhanced Sensory - Pay five additional chakra to enhance a sensory jutsu's range by 15m, this effect only applies to sight so the range within sight gets boosted only. Will not work on jutsu of E-rank.



B rank - P: Enhanced Sensory range increased to 30m, will not work on jutsu of D-rank and below.

Cast Range of jutsu is now 10m, if cast within this range it confers a 0.5 second delay

A: Sensory Boost - By adding a 5 chakra per post maintenance this confers enhanced sensory along with increasing the duration of non-maintainable sensory jutsu to match this maintenance while also adding this additional duration to cooldown at a minimum of 4 posts increase.

A: Chakra Transfer- Allows the user to transfer chakra between eyes, eyes become unusable for a single post and transfer is up to 10 chakra.



A rank - P: Cast range is now 20m, if cast within this range it confers a 0.2 second delay

Enhanced Perception - increase perception by +1 per eye of this rank as well as the ability to see through but not break genjutsu of D-rank and lower.

Chakra Transfer- now takes 1 second and can transfer up to 15 chakra

A: True Sight - this ability costs 10 chakra per post, allows the user to see chakra vaguely and the ability to see through but not break out of genjutsu of B-rank and lower. This ability also allows them to detect clones and unatural objects as well as their nature.(requires both eyes at A-rank)





S-rank - P: Cast range is now 50m, if cast within this range it confers a 0.1 second delay

Chakra Transfer- has no delays other than a minor gap between the switch that takes about 0.1 seconds. Can transfer up to 20 chakra

A: Heavenly True Sight - costs fifty chakra to activate and confers all active abilities without their maintenance, however this jutsu has a maintainable cost of 15 chakra and upon initial activation breaks out of all disabling effects caused by jutsu which are not physical restraints. The user also gains radius vision of 50 meters around him while having no limit to the range in front of him which caps off at 300m. (The user is required to spend 10000 words to train this jutsu and 5000 ryo and also requires the user to have both eyes at S-rank)


Training costs per eye + additional requirements

Initial training -> D: 500 words, 150 ryo (5 missions must be completed)

Training D -> C: 1000 words, 300 ryo (1 solo mission of C-rank)

Training C -> B: 3000 words, 1000 ryo (C-rank shinobi)

Training B ->A: 3000 words, 1000 ryo (B-rank shinobi)

Training A -> S: 5000 words, 1500 ryo (A-rank shinobi)








Drawbacks:
No elements may be learnt
Third and forth specialisations cost 25% more to learn and train.
Non-clan members are unable to use the passive of this clan and the eyes element can not be learnt, however the active costing abilities can be used at double the cost.
The user may not get items to boost anything but perception.
Members of this clan have weaker bodies then other shinobi having one tier less in strength and one tier less in endurance.




Members: Elin

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:
Academy Jutsu Differences
The generic sealing technique can be used by waving the hand over the eyes to get items from within these seals or to seal items. The Genjutsu Kai technique can only be used by the right eye while all other academy jutsu are left eye techniques. All jutsu are now classified as hybrids of fuuinjutsu as well.


Kihon Hakai C-Rank:


Name: Kihon Hakai "Basic Destruction"
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Type: Offensive
Element: None(Right Eye)
Range: Read Description
Specialty: Fuuinjutsu
Duration: Instantaneous
Cooldown: 4 posts
Description: A strange black sphere appears for a moment then explodes in the direction chosen by the user. The technique starts within the range the eyes allows, the explosion covers a radius of 4m and a single-direction blast range of 20m, this techniques blast moves at 25m/s and causes first degree burns and knocks back the enemy 5m if moving towards user, 10m if not moving and 20m if enemy moving away from user. Can also cause major bruising if the target hits against something when knocked back.

Bunshin Sosaku C-Rank:



Name: Bunshin Sosaku "Clone Creation"
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary(Clone)
Element: None(Left Eye)
Range: Read Description
Specialty: Fuuinjutsu
Duration: As long as it lives
Cooldown: 5 posts after it is destroyed
Description: A special clone which has an ethereal physical body which allows it to use weapons and fight, however it will die if hit with a C-rank and higher offensive jutsu or four to five basic attacks of C-rank. This clone does not have any bonus chakra and can not cast jutsu, however its stats are C-1. If the user still has one eye of D-Rank then this jutsu only lasts 5 posts due to a break in concentration caused by other eye draining chakra. Clone does not possess the user's doujutsu

Hikarinami Kankaku D-Rank:



Name: Light Wave Sense
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Supplementary(Sensory)
Element: None(left eye)
Range: 15m
Specialty: Fuuinjutsu
Duration: Maintainable
Cooldown: 2 posts + duration
Description: Goes over the area and reveals stealthed individuals through the physical and chakra disruption caused by the surroundings. This is a basic sensory jutsu used to get an idea of who is where and this uses the left eye. Can also detect minor items of D-rank and lower that are not clearly visible and the rest is seen through the user's natural perception combined with this basic reveal. This jutsu works where the user is actually looking towards so within sight it reveals. Stealth jutsu of C-rank and higher will work on this jutsu, but will not work on the initial activation. Will not reveal people using stealth higher than C-rank. 

Dai hendō C-S Rank:





Name: Dai hendō "Cataclysm"
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C-S
Type: Offensive
Element: None(Right Eye)
Range: See Description
Specialty: Fuuinjutsu
Duration: 1+ post prep, 1 post duration and long lasting effects to the area
Cooldown: Once per thread
Description: The users ultimate technique which varies in strength according to the users eyes as well as the chakra used. This user is unable to use other right eye jutsu during the prep which charges eye to be released at a later time


The user focuses chakra intensely into the right eye and gains offensive properties based on the levels of the eye which also effects the jutsu's cost. The rank difference can never be more than one in adjusting power for this jutsu. The user requires 2 posts of prep for A-rank and S-rank right eye

The ground all around the user within a range dependent on the rank has a strange dark aura rise up like gravity which results in a large upward explosion over the entire area. The plants and creatures as well as the ground water and so on become unsuitable for life as well as the area leaving a crater that varies according to size. The D to B-rank versions are notable, but A to S-rank leaves a permanent scar on the earth itself.

D-Rank - Disentegrates all items of E-rank, blast radius is 3m, the explosion causes surface dark patches of dead skin or tissue all over except in places protected by armor of D-rank and higher. The explosion travels at 10m/s

C-Rank - Disentegrates all items of D-rank, blast radius is 6m, the explosion causes 1st degree tissue decay all over except in places protected by armor which take reduced ranks of damage according to the rank difference between the armor and this jutsu. Explosion travels at 20m/s

B-Rank - Disentegrates all items of C-rank, blast radius is 12m, the explosion causes 2nd degree tissue decay and will remove all skin from unprotected surfaces all over except in places protected by armor which take reduced ranks of damage according to the rank difference between the armor and this jutsu. The force of the explosion can also break small bones in the forearms and the forelegs as well as a few ribs if unarmoured. Explosion travels at 30m/s

A-Rank - Disentegrates all items of B-rank, blast radius is 25m, the explosion causes 3rd degree tissue destruction that can reach the bones and effectively decay those making the users bones brittle if not broken by the force itself all over except in places protected by armor which take reduced ranks of damage according to the rank difference between the armor and this jutsu. The force of the explosion can break all unprotected bones in the body excluding the skull and chest area. Limbs will be torn apart in unprotected areas. Explosion travels at 40m/s

S-Rank - Disentegrates all items of A-rank, blast radius is 50m, the explosion causes complete destruction of the target and all bones that are not destroyed by the destructive force will be turned to ash and dust. Explosion travels at 60m/s






Last edited by Elin on Thu Jun 18, 2015 12:56 pm; edited 11 times in total

2 Re: Tenrin Clan on Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:39 am

Ayakashi

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The Eyes:

E rank: is fine

D rank: What does the dark aura and the other effect do, you need more detail here. Are they just visual? Speeds effects what they look or seem like etc.

C rank: Seems okay

B rank: Transferring chakra between eyes? So, the user literally has half their chakra pool in each eye? You need to state this and give the example to make it clear in the general description. You're not getting passive double casting for double chakra, no.

A rank: Is fine.

S rank: No, no triple cast. for the same reason before, and more. I'd like you to reduce the size of the sensories.

I would like you to specify that all the eyes need to have an active chakra cost of some kind, as the increase range to sensory techniques is a rather powerful thing, and is should have some kinda -active- cost.

Most of those drawbacks, are not drawbacks, they are defences against people stealing your eyes, you will need considerably more to counterbalance the +2 tiers from the eyes, the +1 from the free SC and your other bonuses.

Jutsu.

Fist off, i would like you to bring all your ranges and radii in line with the jutsu rules please.

1/ C rank radius is 6m, not 25

2/ No free scaling stats, they can be like, C-3, but no free scaling.

3/ seems ok

4/ you need speeds for the explosions, I'd like to see this as 2 different jutsu please, which would mean removing one, it does way too much for one technique.


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

3 Re: Tenrin Clan on Fri Jun 05, 2015 11:27 am

Elin

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Chuunin
The Eyes:

E rank: is fine

Thanks noted, leaving it as it is

D rank: What does the dark aura and the other effect do, you need more detail here. Are they just visual? Speeds effects what they look or seem like etc.
basically the dark aura is just that a black aura like mass, basically when imbued on a weapon for instance may cause it to burn a target or disintegrate or degrade to some degree. If the jutsu was say used on an armor, the armor would most likely get a dark damaging aura but still need to think of ways to reword it to be more descriptive. In general the idea is most left eye techniques do not do damage, while all right eye techniques are designed to do damage.

C rank: Seems okay
Thanks also leaving it as it is

B rank: Transferring chakra between eyes? So, the user literally has half their chakra pool in each eye? You need to state this and give the example to make it clear in the general description. You're not getting passive double casting for double chakra, no.
Removed the double cast, I could just use two jutsu at the same time anyways
And I do mention the chakra pool is split between the eyes

The Heaven's eye refers to both the users eyes which each house half of all the user's chakra. which is a line used early in the kekkei genkai description

A rank: Is fine.
Okay leaving it as it is

S rank: No, no triple cast. for the same reason before, and more.
Noted and removed

I'd like you to reduce the size of the sensories I would like you to specify that all the eyes need to have an active chakra cost of some kind, as the increase range to sensory techniques is a rather powerful thing, and is should have some kinda -active- cost.
Would it be possible to reduce the range to amount that would not require any cost, while still being strong enough to be useful in some way. Or make sensory boost an active ability with a range boost and perhaps something else as well, just wording this out before doing an edit without more feedback

Most of those drawbacks, are not drawbacks, they are defences against people stealing your eyes, you will need considerably more to counterbalance the +2 tiers from the eyes, the +1 from the free SC and your other bonuses.
This is tough and taking subtraction stats would mean I would be better off getting items that boost the stats rather then take negatives though maybe work out something since the rank ups are expensive in general, mainly the word count is above sharingan by far but the ryo cost is also really insane since most costs are doubled which I did reduce before releasing. I could probably have the free SC removed as well, just would also like feedback before touching anything here. The main drawbacks though are the massive requirements to rank it up and not sure of a decent drawback that does not affect too much. Some people have debilitating drawbacks sometimes and I do not want to end up like that...

Jutsu.

Fist off, i would like you to bring all your ranges and radii in line with the jutsu rules please.
The ranges and so on were taken straight from the current jutsu rules, if there is something not matching up then please tell me cause the jutsu rules have not been edited in a long time and already heard people saying 35m/s is A-rank jutsu speed but max speed for B-rank jutsu is 35m/s and so on.
Anyways will respond to each request now

1/ C rank radius is 6m, not 25
The radius is 4m, you misread that one the 25m/s is speed

2/ No free scaling stats, they can be like, C-3, but no free scaling.
The clone rules changed? or is it because my clone does not need a chakra reserve that why his stats are capped at c3? Since the water clone increases in price and performs jutsu and so on while this clone can not do that and can only fight.

Just want to be sure before doing an edit

3/ seems ok
Cool

4/ you need speeds for the explosions, I'd like to see this as 2 different jutsu please, which would mean removing one, it does way too much for one technique.
I think I will remove the defense jutsu, I need something to attack with in emergencies, I could still tweak it a bit more if needed

4 Re: Tenrin Clan on Sun Jun 07, 2015 8:21 pm

Ayakashi

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KKG Description:

You need to specify specifically, with examples that 1/2 the users chakra is in each eye. Which would imply that they can only use 1/2 their chakra pool for offensive techniques etc. and if one of the eyes is struck or destroyed, they would loose that chakra. Remember, this is a guide that needs to be in enough detail that 'other people' making characters for this clan would need to have all the information to be able to play a clan member.

Please give examples and limitations of the jutsu able to be used by each eye, you assert what they can do well, but I would also like written what they cannot do (Ie, the eye of destruction techniques are always have some level of destructive force, but cannot be used to heal etc.) this is a doujutsu clan, and as such, has a very high level of quality. Also, and throughout, projection of what, you say its the range in which things can be cast from the eye, please specify that in each rank to some degree. "jutsu range of techniques cast from the eye is Xmeters"

D rank: So the Dark aura is offensive in nature? you're going to need to describe exactly what it does, how much damage can it do? how far does it extend? how much pain does it cause. You're asserting an effect, we need to know what it does, rather than it's there. Also, for the silhouettes, goes the same, examples of what they can do would be nice.

C rank: the projection thing.

B: yet you mention the projection thing here... odd. okay. what is the process of moving chakra from one eye to another? I would like it to have some kind of process, be it something like a chakra costed effect, or it can only be done on a turn where the user uses no chakra based abilities or maintenances. Didn't edit double cast.

A: Sure

S: Removed triple cast, you also no longer increase projection size, is that right for A and S rank?

Also, yes, i am rather adamant on these eyes needing chakra to activate. It can be as much as the maintenance costs for jutsu equal to their ranks, but yes, they need them. The +'s they get are too great. They may cost more training and ryo than uchiha eyes, but their eyes also cost chakra.

Drawbacks

No elements is a good one. But not quite enough. that accounts for the +'s to stats.

But you are going to need more, an elemental weakness, or a spec weakness, or something, I'd like to see at least another 22 to be happy. Unbalancable negative SC's is another good one.

Jutsu

1/ " the explosion covers a radius of 4m and a blast range of 20m," you need to reword that then.

2/ I'm not worried about the other clone jutsu, they need to be changed. a c-rank jutsu which can have SS rank stats is waaaay too much.

4/ You need to go over and edit the jutsu to no longer reflect the other path... how do you burn without katon or raiton? You can deal damage to the skin, but it's not a burn. Also, tone down the item destruction, or tone down the damage please.


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

5 Re: Tenrin Clan on Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:43 am

Elin

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Chuunin
KKG Description:

You need to specify specifically, with examples that 1/2 the users chakra is in each eye. Which would imply that they can only use 1/2 their chakra pool for offensive techniques etc. and if one of the eyes is struck or destroyed, they would loose that chakra. Remember, this is a guide that needs to be in enough detail that 'other people' making characters for this clan would need to have all the information to be able to play a clan member.


Changed to point form but having weird editing style for some reason, site changed something or my browser changed something. Sorted this out I hope


Please give examples and limitations of the jutsu able to be used by each eye, you assert what they can do well, but I would also like written what they cannot do (Ie, the eye of destruction techniques are always have some level of destructive force, but cannot be used to heal etc.) this is a doujutsu clan, and as such, has a very high level of quality.

Okay working on some examples to let people understand it better


Also, and throughout, projection of what, you say its the range in which things can be cast from the eye, please specify that in each rank to some degree. "jutsu range of techniques cast from the eye is Xmeters"
The cast range is the range at which a jutsu can start from, however the maximum and minimum ranges of the jutsu still follow the guidelines, hence that explosion jutsu can be started as far as the cast range but its maximum range from the user follows the jutsu rules. However low rank jutsu will get a cap on cast range as well as long range cast jutsu having a reaction based delay. Putting time on it just causes everyone to dodge cause they will always say it slower so for all casts person needs to have decent reaction which I heard is needed to react so if someone had no reaction the cast will seem instant to them while if they have good reaction they will spot it and can react though I think it like that for all jutsu not sure but going to explain this more when editing done. Will not add this since people should know they need reaction time to be able to react to this in time


D rank: So the Dark aura is offensive in nature? you're going to need to describe exactly what it does, how much damage can it do? how far does it extend? how much pain does it cause. You're asserting an effect, we need to know what it does, rather than it's there. Also, for the silhouettes, goes the same, examples of what they can do would be nice.
Hope I made it detailed enough

C rank: the projection thing.
Noticed I forgot about adding it in to the higher ranks

B: yet you mention the projection thing here... odd. okay. what is the process of moving chakra from one eye to another? I would like it to have some kind of process, be it something like a chakra costed effect, or it can only be done on a turn where the user uses no chakra based abilities or maintenances. Didn't edit double cast.
I got so much written I sort of missed that double cast there sorry

S: Removed triple cast, you also no longer increase projection size, is that right for A and S rank?
I sort of forgot to put it back in or something like that, going to add this in

Also, yes, i am rather adamant on these eyes needing chakra to activate. It can be as much as the maintenance costs for jutsu equal to their ranks, but yes, they need them. The +'s they get are too great. They may cost more training and ryo than uchiha eyes, but their eyes also cost chakra.
Decided to keep the +1's due to adding some drawbacks


Drawbacks

No elements is a good one. But not quite enough. that accounts for the +'s to stats.
As stated above I added some negatives to two stats Str and End

But you are going to need more, an elemental weakness, or a spec weakness, or something, I'd like to see at least another 22 to be happy. Unbalancable negative SC's is another good one.
I will think about the unbalanced negative SC's definitely sounds something doable, but would prefer if it does not come to this

Jutsu

1/ " the explosion covers a radius of 4m and a blast range of 20m," you need to reword that then.
I need to work hard on this cause I read it and it easy to understand but I did a small edit still thinking on what to make the thing more clearer with but just letting you know the range is 20m the radius is 4m that is all that matters if people read it I will describe it simply that the explosion has a radius which is obvius and then it blasts forward or in a specific direction though it will become really worthless one day when we not genin anymore.

2/ I'm not worried about the other clone jutsu, they need to be changed. a c-rank jutsu which can have SS rank stats is waaaay too much.
Okay that was all I needed to know thanks I edited the clone jutsu as requested before

4/ You need to go over and edit the jutsu to no longer reflect the other path... how do you burn without katon or raiton? You can deal damage to the skin, but it's not a burn. Also, tone down the item destruction, or tone down the damage please.
I lowered the damage for the lower ranks, but the A-rank and S-rank has been left as it is since if you die I do not think it will matter that your items are destroyed since this jutsu is meant to not just destroy but to kill as well.

Most of the stuff stayed the same just got shuffled around the Sensory Boost got changed I could separate it if things are too confusing but did the more or less shared abilities one side

6 Re: Tenrin Clan on Wed Jun 10, 2015 8:17 am

Ayakashi

avatar



I'm not letting you create an area where you get a passive increase to everything's range of up to 50m depending on the rank of your eyes passively, the cast range can be an area your eyes cast them within, but i'm not allowing you to use it to stack ranges. Cos that would be insanely overpowered. So, you'll need to edit that accordingly.

KKG

B rank: you jump from 15 to 60, you're not casting another sensory jutsu and adding it to the range, you're enhancing it, lower this to 30 tops please, and keep the other increases in suit.

Even if it's a second or two could you give a time it takes for chakra swap?

A rank: This needs to be -15 chakra min for the added effects, sorry,

"now and the eye giving chakra can still use jutsu however the effective cast/projection range is dropped to 5m" - no, the ability to transfer chakra between the eyes and still perform normally is too much, even if reduced ranges are in action. I would prefer not being able to expend chakra while moving chakra from eye to eye as a persistent drawback.

S rank: -15 chakra minimum.

Drawbacks

Are looking ok for now.

Jutsu:

1/ cool

2/ also cool

3/ so this only applies to what is within its range of your 'sight' ? it's not an aura or anything as it uses the eye? please verify in the jutsu.

4/ For the last two, i would like you to say with the item damage from disintegrate, i would like you to replace it with "Disintegrates (items of 2 ranks lower) and damages items of (1 rank lower) making them vulnerable and able to be broken by any other offensive jutsu. Just immediately obliterating all B and A rank items on a ninja is a lot, but the rest looks good.

Additional notes.

after all these edits are made, i will be asking miles in here to help with the approval, I'd just like a second opinion to look over all this.


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

7 Re: Tenrin Clan on Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:26 am

Elin

avatar

Chuunin
I'm not letting you create an area where you get a passive increase to everything's range of up to 50m depending on the rank of your eyes passively, the cast range can be an area your eyes cast them within, but i'm not allowing you to use it to stack ranges. Cos that would be insanely overpowered. So, you'll need to edit that accordingly.


Also added that jutsu modded will work on a case by case basis since you know if you put a seal on something and it activates the range of the technique normally starts from that location. Sure the jutsu mod will approve of that, since fuuinjutsu can really vary with its range cause of how it works. Either way the range does not really stack, at most I might cast a jutsu behind you but if its fifty meters behind you and has twenty five meters range you could just run towards me and so on. Also there is a small delay with my explosions since well you see it activate and then react... which is how everything should work though I read up a bit and some people react to something before it even starts for some reason...

KKG

B rank: you jump from 15 to 60, you're not casting another sensory jutsu and adding it to the range, you're enhancing it, lower this to 30 tops please, and keep the other increases in suit. Changed it to scale 15,30,45,60 according to rank

Even if it's a second or two could you give a time it takes for chakra swap?
For B-rank two seconds delay and for A-rank one second delay to reflect that the process is not easy but I removed the ability to use jutsu during it.

A rank: This needs to be -15 chakra min for the added effects, sorry
Oh okay adding this

"now and the eye giving chakra can still use jutsu however the effective cast/projection range is dropped to 5m" - no, the ability to transfer chakra between the eyes and still perform normally is too much, even if reduced ranges are in action. I would prefer not being able to expend chakra while moving chakra from eye to eye as a persistent drawback.
Okay edited this

S rank: -15 chakra minimum.
As a minimum for the normal sensory boost?

Drawbacks

Are looking ok for now.

Jutsu:

1/ cool

2/ also cool

3/ so this only applies to what is within its range of your 'sight' ? it's not an aura or anything as it uses the eye? please verify in the jutsu.
Added

4/ For the last two, i would like you to say with the item damage from disintegrate, i would like you to replace it with "Disintegrates (items of 2 ranks lower) and damages items of (1 rank lower) making them vulnerable and able to be broken by any other offensive jutsu. Just immediately obliterating all B and A rank items on a ninja is a lot, but the rest looks good.
It takes 1 jutsu of equal rank to damage the weapon. Any further damage (any jutsu, or a direct basic strike of 2 ranks below the weapon) will break it beyond reasonable usage...
An S-rank jutsu can already obliterate any B-rank item to begin with and A-rank jutsu can obliterate C-rank items so basically you just mentioned the item rules. So you telling me to have it do less damage then the normal damage which is same rank will damage an item to breaking point already on its own making the item unusable...
Technically any good aoe jutsu can wipe out your items which is why they added the item reinforcement jutsu and the ability to keep important weapons sealed away or protected.

I read the item rules when I planned this jutsu, to take this in so I made the thing more powerful and its actually more of a drawback if you think that chances are if this jutsu hits you die and with that I lose the ability to steal most of your items as well.... I do not want to steal though I want to destroy rather. Also remember it has a two post charge required, you think anyone going to give me an actual chance to cast it. Especially if I end up revealing it early on in the chuunin exams.... anyways we could let the jutsu mod deal with this part since you did a lot of hard work already

Additional notes.

after all these edits are made, i will be asking miles in here to help with the approval, I'd just like a second opinion to look over all this.

8 Re: Tenrin Clan on Sat Jun 13, 2015 9:58 pm

Taede

avatar

Genin
Kekkei Genkai

Unique Chakra Pool, Passive/Active/Activation, and Rank Up/General Abilities are all fine as sections by themselves.

Jutsu Spec: This is fine, but remember that you cannot do things that other Fuuinjutsu cannot do.

D-rank: Remotely casting jutsu in any form, whether casting it from a different location than yourself or projecting your chakra to that point, takes time. It cannot be instantaneous. In addition, the Borou Clan's Trinigan already has the ability to remotely place seals via vision. (Even then, they can only do so within a specific area-seal that they place beforehand.)

C-rank: As above, but otherwise OK.

B-rank: What do you mean "boost the duration to match"? There is no given duration in this section to match a sensory technique's duration to. (Are you saying you can turn any sensory jutsu into a maintainable by doing this? If so, it should affect the cooldown as well.)

A-rank: I'm confused. What is increased to C-rank with Sensory boost? Also, 10 chakra to resist an A-rank genjutsu is a no; the Uchiha can see through genjutsu, but that does not mean that they can entirely resist their effects. Resisting the effects of visual genjutsu, as worded now, is vague. For all I know, you could be acting as if they weren't even there, which is essentially the same as dispelling it.

S-rank: As above for A-rank. But also....all-around disabling jutsu? What? That makes little sense with an eye-based power.

For all ranks: Eye-specific jutsu....that would be....all jutsu? Since all your jutsu have to unseal chakra from your eyes, don't they?



The powers of the Right and Left Eye should be edited. You're explicitly stating that their functions and applications resemble those of the Base Elemental Releases....which your clan specifically prohibits the use of. You should see where that conflicts.

Passives: They both disappear at C-rank for no cost other than your normal training of the eyes.



Drawbacks

No elements: Would be very good if you didn't say that your jutsu act like said elements.

+25% training on third and fourth specialization: Good.

Can't get items to boost anything but perception: Good, but quite marginal.

-1 Strength and Endurance: Very good.

Non-Clan: Why can't they use the passive abilities? You don't give a reason, and other Doujutsu are not as limited as this for transplanting purposes.



Jutsu

Light Wave Sensing: Is there a rank of stealth-based techniques that can successfully hide from this jutsu? You state a rank of items, but not people.

Clone Creation: How far away can you create the clone?

Basic Destruction: Mechanically is good, but...how is this Sealing? You unseal chakra from your eyes, but you don't say how you're forming an orb and making it explode. Shape Transformation is typically attributed to Ninjutsu.

Cataclysm: Again, how are you making this happen? Chakra usually doesn't have the ability to randomly explode, and to boot make areas unsuitable for life, with Fuuinjutsu alone. (Also, Necrosis has been taken as an ability of Medical Ninjutsu. You'll need to explain how you're making bodily tissues decay.) In addition, how is this a radius jutsu if cast from an eye? All your other jutsu seem to require you looking in the direction you want to affect.

Considering if one is hit square-on by a jutsu of equal rank to an item, it will be damaged...this aspect should be fine, however the effect should be treated as auxiliary and needed to be balanced by other facets of the technique.

Mid-level speed, average of near-max to max range for the rank, and reduced damage (except for A and S-rank, which are near-max to max). Might be alright if the item-destruction wasn't there.

Not being able to use other offensive jutsu during the charge is something, I suppose....but it really isn't limiting in any other way, as this jutsu is rather destructive in itself, and leaves you completely able to defend yourself using the Left Eye of Creation.


____

Taede | Jutsu | Locker | Stats

D[3]~C[1]~B[0]~A[0]~S[0]~SS[0]
Ijutsu - S | Taijutsu [Shikidō | Atemijutsu] - C
Fūton - A | Suiton - C
#00cc33 {blur]#12ab1f[/blur]

9 Re: Tenrin Clan on Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:47 am

Elin

avatar

Chuunin
Kekkei Genkai

Unique Chakra Pool, Passive/Active/Activation, and Rank Up/General Abilities are all fine as sections by themselves.

Jutsu Spec: This is fine, but remember that you cannot do things that other Fuuinjutsu cannot do.
Is there an example, cause this really has me a bit stumped at times

D-rank: Remotely casting jutsu in any form, whether casting it from a different location than yourself or projecting your chakra to that point, takes time. It cannot be instantaneous.
There is a delay, just guess I need to describe it better and the projection or cast is basically the range to which the chakra is initially released from the eye if that makes any sense. Right eye techniques always form a dark mass when they performed not sure how to set up a speed on that other than referring to reaction time relating to it. Left eye techniques I did not put emphasis on delays since they have no damage most of the time, but then again it might allow me to pull off some spammable no damage jutsu with strong effects, though the delay I guess would be the taking shape of the chakra when using the left eye. So would this be okay and is there a way I could word it nicely

 In addition, the Borou Clan's Trinigan already has the ability to remotely place seals via vision. (Even then, they can only do so within a specific area-seal that they place beforehand.) Cast and projection ranges cover that.

C-rank: As above, but otherwise OK.
So just need to sort out a time period for the cast and projection. Cast has to be faster than projection though.

B-rank: What do you mean "boost the duration to match"? There is no given duration in this section to match a sensory technique's duration to. (Are you saying you can turn any sensory jutsu into a maintainable by doing this? If so, it should affect the cooldown as well.)
I see you grasped it sort of and noticed I forgot to put that in, I added the cooldown factor in the B-rank section, the cooldown has the extra duration added, the minimum cooldown addition is 4 posts.

A-rank: I'm confused. What is increased to C-rank with Sensory boost?
I think that part was a typo left over from a previous modding

Also, 10 chakra to resist an A-rank genjutsu is a no
Its an additional cost, onto the 5 chakra though it not meant to block A or are you referring to the S-rank version which at most can block an A-rank disable of genjutsu or other once per post which might be OP but at 15 chakra per post though maybe you want an increase in cost... either way the strongest eye only can block B-rank genjutsu at most. I think you confused the part where I am allowed to use A-rank and lower jutsu which is in the first line. The active resists C-rank and lower

the Uchiha can see through genjutsu, but that does not mean that they can entirely resist their effects. Resisting the effects of visual genjutsu, as worded now, is vague. For all I know, you could be acting as if they weren't even there, which is essentially the same as dispelling it.
If the genjutsu is low rank they can tell it has been cast if it is visual based in other words has a visual trigger

S-rank: As above for A-rank. But also....all-around disabling jutsu? What? That makes little sense with an eye-based power.
So all round disable counter is a no?

For all ranks: Eye-specific jutsu....that would be....all jutsu? Since all your jutsu have to unseal chakra from your eyes, don't they?
Yeah that would be right all jutsu use the eyes as a source unsealing the chakra and releasing it differently.




The powers of the Right and Left Eye should be edited. You're explicitly stating that their functions and applications resemble those of the Base Elemental Releases....which your clan specifically prohibits the use of. You should see where that conflicts.
Removing this

Passives: They both disappear at C-rank for no cost other than your normal training of the eyes.
Its a starting handicap forcing you to have to train your eyes so your first few missions are tough forcing you to train





Drawbacks

No elements: Would be very good if you didn't say that your jutsu act like said elements.

+25% training on third and fourth specialization: Good.

Can't get items to boost anything but perception: Good, but quite marginal.

-1 Strength and Endurance: Very good.


Non-Clan: Why can't they use the passive abilities? You don't give a reason, and other Doujutsu are not as limited as this for transplanting purposes.

I think I will edit this, can we get to this part last please
, mainly thinking of a decent drawback to people stealing the eyes...
Also the eyes require pure chakra not the normal chakra people have which has an element





Jutsu

Light Wave Sensing: Is there a rank of stealth-based techniques that can successfully hide from this jutsu? You state a rank of items, but not people.
Added limitations to this

Clone Creation: How far away can you create the clone?
The initial creation range is based on the projection range of the eyes but the distance away from the user I was considering to put it at around twenty to forty meters... not really sure right now though

Basic Destruction: Mechanically is good, but...how is this Sealing? You unseal chakra from your eyes, but you don't say how you're forming an orb and making it explode. Shape Transformation is typically attributed to Ninjutsu. The chakra is pure but forms a dense dark aura so its released in a condensed form from the eyes and then just focused in a direction as it releases in an unstable explosion. It appears like an orb but its just a mass of chakra that explodes forth to cause destruction.

Cataclysm: Again, how are you making this happen? Chakra usually doesn't have the ability to randomly explode, and to boot make areas unsuitable for life, with Fuuinjutsu alone. This might be tough, would focusing the chakra to condense it to a point in which it becomes unstable and when released explodes in a radius

(Also, Necrosis has been taken as an ability of Medical Ninjutsu. You'll need to explain how you're making bodily tissues decay.) Maybe I should just state that it appears to decay...

In addition, how is this a radius jutsu if cast from an eye? All your other jutsu seem to require you looking in the direction you want to affect.

Considering if one is hit square-on by a jutsu of equal rank to an item, it will be damaged...this aspect should be fine, however the effect should be treated as auxiliary and needed to be balanced by other facets of the technique.

Mid-level speed, average of near-max to max range for the rank, and reduced damage (except for A and S-rank, which are near-max to max). Might be alright if the item-destruction wasn't there. Only left A-S near to max since a direct hit would kill anyways mainly

Not being able to use other offensive jutsu during the charge is something, I suppose....but it really isn't limiting in any other way, as this jutsu is rather destructive in itself, and leaves you completely able to defend yourself using the Left Eye of Creation. Yeah but it also leaves me unable to do any damage for some time as well. So if they know about the technique they could just prepare to defend themselves, though might depend on the opponent's personality hopefully they do not use meta game to avoid it

10 Re: Tenrin Clan on Tue Jun 16, 2015 8:08 pm

Ayakashi

avatar



I'm really beginning to think you need to simplify a lot of this app down, you're creating systems and things in place and with things like putting in place holders for projection speeds and the coding and using terms this app is becoming rather hard to read or judge, and if it's confusing miles and I, it will be confusing other people who may want to make a member of the clan, and the goal of the app is so that other people can do just that, I will go through what I can, but, sometimes with KKG descriptions, its best to just give a broad over-view at the top, and then bullet point on the way down per rank.

When Miles and I pose the questions to you, those are the things we are expecting you to change~

Anywho

KKG

You didn't make many of the edits I have pointed out, or have been pointed out, So, I am going to reserve this until they have been made.

Drawbacks.

Like i said before, look good.

Jutsu.

Mostly as miles has said. Changes to be made.

Personally, I would look through what we have said so far, attempt to re-organize the clan and re-simplify it. I'll re-iterate that doujutsu clans are supposed to be some of the higher-highest quality clans other than perhaps canon - advanced element clans. And so far, I don't think it has the standard of clarity that would be required.


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

11 Re: Tenrin Clan on Wed Jun 17, 2015 4:24 am

Elin

avatar

Chuunin
KKG Repeated since you missed it due to Tae modding during that time....

B rank: you jump from 15 to 60, you're not casting another sensory jutsu and adding it to the range, you're enhancing it, lower this to 30 tops please, and keep the other increases in suit. Changed it to scale 15,30,45,60 according to rank

Even if it's a second or two could you give a time it takes for chakra swap?
For B-rank two seconds delay and for A-rank one second delay to reflect that the process is not easy but I removed the ability to use jutsu during it.

A rank: This needs to be -15 chakra min for the added effects, sorry
Oh okay adding this

"now and the eye giving chakra can still use jutsu however the effective cast/projection range is dropped to 5m" - no, the ability to transfer chakra between the eyes and still perform normally is too much, even if reduced ranges are in action. I would prefer not being able to expend chakra while moving chakra from eye to eye as a persistent drawback.
Okay edited this

S rank: -15 chakra minimum.
As a minimum for the normal sensory boost?

Jutsu.
I am just not sure on what range would be viable for the clone jutsu yet but for the most part... I am thinking of having it capped at around thirty meters, and I did give the range the clone could start from already... its around two to five meters if I check over it again so that would answer his question on the clone jutsu...

Also did edits to the other jutsu its only Cataclysm that is under heavy review but want all the other aspects of the clan dealt with first before dealing with this last jutsu...

Made no edits since I got no feedback on current edits....

12 Re: Tenrin Clan on Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:27 am

Ayakashi

avatar



Like i said before, the KKG description is simply too convoluted to be approved, you need to strip it down to its bare bones, add the eyes and their passives to the core article, perhaps before you go into the rank break down simplify things a LOT.

Like just to put this into perspective, here's a mock-up KKG description for this clan... feel free to use this as a basis.

KKG Description

Members of this clan have a unique fuuinjutsu based doujutsu. Each of the clan member's eyes bear a seal which seals half of their bodies chakra within them (Eg, at genin each of the clan member's eyes hold 75 of their chakra, and if an eye is destroyed, they lose that chakra.). Each of their two eyes can be used to cast fuuinjutsu techniques at a distance within a radius in their direct line of sight based on the rank of the eye, as if the user was standing in that location, potentially extending the range of the jutsu or simply casting them remotely. Though, jutsu projected this way take 1 full second to appear before they are activated. The eyes must be active to cast jutsu this way, or else they simply act as the user's chakra pool, allowing them to use jutsu normally from their hands, though, it is to be noted, that sensory techniques looking at members of this clan, cannot see chakra within any of their body unless they are using a jutsu, the only source of chakra they would see is their eyes.

The left eye Aka the left eye of creation, can only use its chakra to project and use defensive and supplementary fuuinjutsu techniques of its rank and lower, while in contrast, the right eye aka the right eye of destruction can only be used to project offensive fuuinjutsu techniques of the eye's rank and lower. Each eye must be trained separately and some gain unique abilities based on the rank they become.

Rank Breakdown

D rank: 5 chakra to activate and maintain. (each)
Base rank of eyes, no bonuses

C rank: 10 chakra to activate, 5 to maintain. (each)
If both eyes are trained to this rank, it grants Ace Eye to the user, without the need for a negative drawback

B rank: 10 chakra to activate, 10 to maintain. (each)
As well as prior effects, abilities cast from each eye at this rank have their ranges extended by +10m (though not destructive radii)

A rank: 15 chakra to activate, 10 to maintain. (each)
When both eyes are trained to this rank, the user gains +1 tier to perception (in addition to all prior effects)

S rank: 15 chakra to activate, 15 to maintain. (each)
The ultimate level of the eyes, the left eye at this rank grants +1 tier to Perception while the right grants +1 tier to reaction time. Abilities from each eye have their ranges increased by 20m (though not destructive radii)

Training costs // Projection Ranges per Rank (Of eyes.)
  • Initial training -> D: 1500 words, 250 ryo // 10m Rage
  • Training D -> C: 2000 words, 500 ryo // 15m Range
  • Training C -> B: 2500 words, 750 ryo // 20m Range
  • Training B ->A: 3000 words, 1000 ryo // 25m Range
  • Training A -> S: 4000 words, 1500 ryo // 40m Range


etc etc.

Like, thats the best advice i can give you, not trying to tell you how to do your clan, but, at the moment you clan is not going to be approved in its current format. What i offer is a suggestion, it was only a really quick draft, so, don't assume that because i made it, it would be approved instantly, it's just to give you an idea. But, at the moment, the clan in this form is denied until some serious re-structuring is done.

Sorry man.


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

13 Re: Tenrin Clan on Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:56 am

Elin

avatar

Chuunin
Time to get my main focus or idea for the clan realised

Destruction and Creation in terms of jutsu

Eyes grant the user Perception and Sensory boosts, this clan is meant to be an extremely powerful sensory based clan, unlike the other clans who in a sense have +reaction and indirect +perception that is not shown directly.

Anyways re-organised it the only real changes were the removal of the massive description on destruction and creation....

The addition of True Sight as an active ability at A-rank to replace the previous ability for genjutsu resistance. Now only allows you to see through it.

S-rank eyes have an extra ability but I have a strange feeling things could change.... though I added insane pricings so it not like I getting this within my lifetime lols.... though the perception boost might be motivation for people to steal the eyes.

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