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1 Akuma Clan on Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:06 pm

akaoni



Genin
Symbol:


Clan: Akuma Clan

Kekkei Genkai: Akuma no Hanashi (Speak of the Devil)

Elements: Any

Specialization: Kuchiyose

Location: Scattered

Clan History: Hated for their Kekkei Genkai, originally called Seishin no Shoukan (Spirit Summon), the Akuma Clan was driven out of their hometown and forced to fend for themselves. A small clan at the time, they found it hard to survive, their numbers dwindling at an alarming rate. In order to preserve their people, they found a new home, hid their Kekkei Genkai, and lived amongst the other villagers. They lived in peace for a time, long enough for their Kekkei Genkai’s original name to be forgotten amongst themselves, for none of them dared speak of it out of fear of losing their home once again. One day, their home was attacked, and they were forced to reveal their hidden prowess. Disturbed by their power, the people of the Akuma Clan renamed it Akuma no Hanashi, and left the village out of fear that they would one day use it on the people to gain power.

Kekkei Genkai Description: The Kekkei Genkai of the Akuma Clan is a specific set of summons and jutsu. Their jutsu are based on a "give and take" system, meaning that the user must give up health in return for power. There are three types of ways to give up health. These are bleed out, bone damage, and burnt skin. The rank of jutsu the user can use depends on how hurt they are. An E rank jutsu doesn’t need to be one of these and can be activated with just a few bruises.

E Rank - Must have at least a bruise at least 3 centimeters in diameter.
D Rank - Bleedout method: The user must be bleeding, only one drop of blood is needed, however the cut must be at least ½ in deep. Burnt skin method: The user may suffer from lightly burnt skin, and the burn must encompass a piece of skin at least 3 cm in length and 1 cm wide and must be inflicted by the enemy.
C Rank - Bleedout Method: The bleeding must be more severe, at least 1 in. deep, and the blood must be drawn from an enemy. There must be at least 2 of these wounds. Burnt skin method: The user may strip off a piece of burnt skin, must be at least a 1st degree burn, of 5 cm in length, and 1 cm wide. Bone damage method: The user must suffer from a fractured bone.
B Rank - All methods must be from wounds inflicted by an enemy. Bleedout method: The user must be suffering from wounds at least 2 in. deep and there should be at least 3 of these wounds. Burnt skin method: The user may strip off a piece of severely burnt skin, must be at least a 2nd degree burn, of 6 cm in length, and 1 cm wide. Bone damage method: The user must suffer from at least one broken bone.
A Rank - All methods must be from wounds inflicted by an enemy. Bleedout method:
Entry and exit openings of the same wound must be present, the diameter of either does not matter. If the wound was made by a weapon, and the weapon is still inside the body of the user when the jutsu is activated, the weapon must first be pulled out for the jutsu to take effect. Bone damage method: The user must suffer from having had one of their bones shattered. Alternatively, at least two bones can be broken. Burnt skin method: The user must suffer from at least 3rd degree burns. The burn must cover an area of at least 10 cm in length, and 1 cm wide.

The summon is specific to the clan, and is called Akuma Shokan. This summon is a contract summon and is a goat. The summon follows the same rules as the other Kekkei Genkai Jutsus. So if a member has a goat summon of rank C, they must first meet one of the required methods for that rank. However, the summons do have special abilities the higher they get.

Akuma Shokan:

Species: Goat
Rank: A
Elements: Katon, Doton, Raiton
E Rank - At E Rank, the goat summon will come as however specified by the user. At this rank, the goat summon can only learn regular jutsu as other summons would. At this rank, the goat summon can be used as a tracker, and can follow the scent of someone within 3 meters.
D Rank - At D Rank, the goat summon can be taught to learn Akuma Ato: Akuma no Hana. However, the user must place the paper on the goat’s forehead. When activated, the goat’s horns will be covered in fire, and in the case that the user specifies that their specific goat has no horns, the fire will take the shape of the horns that should be there. At this rank, the goat summon can now follow the scent of someone within 20 meters.
C Rank - At C rank, the goat summon will appear as specified by the user, with the exception that its face now has markings in the shape of needles under its eyes. The goat summon can now also learn to use the Taiyou no Shinkirou jutsu. When using this Jutsu with the goat summon, its blood may be used. However, the user will still have to make the hand signs. At this rank, the goat summon can follow the scent of someone within 30 meters.
B Rank - At B rank, the goat summon now appears with a goat skull over its head. The goat summon will now be able to use this skull as a shield, however, it acts as a C Rank item. If broken, then the goat will no longer appear with it until it is bought once again by the user.
A Rank - At A rank, the goat summon will now appear with a full coat of red fur. The goat summon will no longer need the user to weave hand signs for it for any jutsu, and while the goat is summoned, the user will no longer need to sacrifice their own health to use the Kekkei Genkai jutsus.
If a member were to undergo training in senjutsu, they may only take the likeness of the animal of their contract. The clan's Kekkei Genkai is called the Akuma no Hanashi as they tend to link their summons with their religion, and name the jutsus as such.

Drawbacks: Because of the time they spent on their own, the clan had adopted a sense of overconfidence, and their people strongly show that. All members of the clan must take Foolhardy as a negative trait.

Members:

Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:

Akuma Ato:

Name: Akuma Ato: Akuma no hana (Demon Art: The Devil’s Flower)
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: E-A
Type: Offensive
Element: Katon
Range: Self
Specialty: Kushiyose
Duration: Until dissipated
Cooldown: Duration + 3 posts
Description: The user of this jutsu creates a fireball in the shape of a flower by using a piece of paper, with the kanji for flower written on it, placing it in their hand, and activating it. Activating the jutsu depends on the method used to give up health. If using the bleedout method, the user simply needs to draw a streak of blood on the paper. For the other methods, they must simply meet the requirements needed. Throughout the duration of the jutsu, they must continuously hold their hand in a fist. If they let go of the fist, the jutsu will dissipate, inflicting light burns on anyone within 1 meter at E rank, minor 1st degree burns from 3 meters at D rank, major 1st degree burns from 6 meters at C Rank, serious 2nd degree burns from 12 meters at B Rank, and 3rd degree burns from 30 meters at A Rank. However, at all ranks, a small area 1 meter in diameter protects the user, and everything in that area, from being scorched.

Taiyou no Shinkirou:

Name: Taiyou no Shinkirou (The Sun’s Mirage)
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Offensive/Supplementary
Element: None
Range:
Specialty: Genjutsu
Duration: 3 posts
Cooldown: 5 posts
Description: The user must inflict a cut upon themselves in order to let a single drop of blood fall onto a surface. They must then stand above the drop of blood and perform the Tatsu, Saru, and Mi (Dragon, Monkey, Snake) hand seals. If any more of their blood spills onto the floor, the genjutsu will not work, and the jutsu will begin its cooldown period. However, if successful, the target will cease to see the actual user of the genjutsu, and will instead see a “mirage” of them running from the battle. The genjutsu will begin so long as the target sees the final seal. As soon as the final hand seal is complete, the mirage will begin to run. However, with D-3 perception, the target will be able to realize that the mirage is a mirror image of the user. And see the footprints and dust from the real body of the user. With B-2 perception, the target will be able to soon notice that the mirage does not leave shadows on the floor nor reflections in water. They will also notice that any tears in their clothing will be gone.



Last edited by akaoni on Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:33 pm; edited 2 times in total

2 Re: Akuma Clan on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:33 am

Fukai

avatar

Genin
Hi there

Firstly, I would like to link you to the already established chi clan: http://www.narutosaga.com/t7400-chi as they have the blood release KKG. This is clan locked, meaning that yours will have to be different enough so that there is little overlap. Feel free to use the chi clan if this is what you were looking for in a clan.

If you are wanting to stick with your own creation, I would like the KKG to be expanded a lot more. Give information on these blood summons, especially what they can do and any special abilities that they have. Also for the part of 'blood related jutsu', this needs to be explained and made to be different than that of the chi, or removed altogether.

Once you have done your best with this, post again in modding requests.


____

 
Buki: SS | Nin: SS | Rai: SS | Fuu: SS
D: 4 | C: 12 | B: 7 | A: 1 | S: 1

3 Re: Akuma Clan on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:35 pm

akaoni



Genin
Edited :3

4 Re: Akuma Clan on Fri Jun 10, 2016 6:25 pm

Fukai

avatar

Genin
Alright! Next round.

KKG:

"Their jutsu are based on a "give and take" system"
You mention this system very briefly, but you have not actually made a system. Describe in full detail what this is, give me numbers and ranks for things. Also, you never listed any special strengths/abilities that your kkg have over normal summons, If you are just summoning normal summons, then there is little point having a special system.

"These summons are contract summons and are a goat and falcon"
Are there anything special about these contracts or are they just normal goat/falcon contracts?
Due to the fact that taking two contracts would be locking others out of both of them, I can only allow either hawk or goat.


Drawbacks:
will be looked at once we have a more cemented kkg.

Jutsu:
Akuma Ato: Akuma no hana (Demon Art: The Devil’s Flower)
I thought your summons were goat and falcon, but this jutsu is summoning a flower.
"Range: N/A"
to 'Range: self'
"Duration: 3 posts or until dissipated"
decide whether the jutsu has a fixed duration or whether it is maintainable. If it is maintainable, have the cooldown in the form of duration + X.
"activating it with their blood"
what's the specific action involved with 'activating it with their blood'?
will probably need to address this part again once the kkg has been established.
"If they let go of the fist, the jutsu will dissipate, inflicting burn damage on anyone within 3 meters at E rank, and 10 meters at any other."
Give the burn damages for each rank.
I'm assuming that you don't want the user burned by this jutsu, state that, and give a reason as to why the user isn't affected.
Taiyou no Shinkirou (The Sun’s Mirage)
"Range: Target’s line of sight."
stick to the jutsu guidelines for your range, they can be found here: http://www.narutosaga.com/t11745-jutsu-rules
So for a genjutsu, we need a trigger, which is something that the target senses that signals the start of the genjutsu. I think you may have been getting at this, but I would like it specifically stated, something like: 'when the target sees the drop of blood hit the surface, the genjutsu will begin.'
Do you control the image past the cast point? Does the image do anything else apart from run away in a straight line away from the target? If yes to either of these, add that in there.
I would like some small inconsistency with the genjutsu to be noticeable if the target has D-3 perception, maybe something small that is wrong with the image's movements or that the target can see footprints, dust, ect from your real body being kicked up as you move. Also a much larger and much more noticeable flaw with the genjutsu if the target has B-2 perception.
Move those two contracts at the end there to the KKG section.


____

 
Buki: SS | Nin: SS | Rai: SS | Fuu: SS
D: 4 | C: 12 | B: 7 | A: 1 | S: 1

5 Re: Akuma Clan on Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:01 pm

akaoni



Genin
Made some changes. Not sure what you wanted me to put for the genjutsu's range, however, and I left it blank. Please do tell me what I must fix next :3

6 Re: Akuma Clan on Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:12 pm

Fukai

avatar

Genin
KKG:

Okay! This is coming together. So from your damage chart, I see you have roughly adhered to the jutsu damage chart, which is a good scale to go off of. I would suggest that at each rank, you simply state that the kkg requires a wound of it’s rank, e.g. ‘C Rank - Requires the user to have at least one wound of at least C rank damage to use’. This will encompass all the different kinds of damage in there, and I don’t think you need to be as specific as to say how big the wound would be. If you are wondering what the jutsu damage chart is, it is as follows, and can be found in the jutsu guidelines.
Damage table:
Damage Table:

E Rank - Scrapes, negligible bruises, or very light burns.
D Rank - 1/4-3/4 inch cuts, minor bruising, or minor 1st degree tissue damage.
C Rank - 1-1½ inch cuts, major external bruising (possibly able to fracture bone), or major 1st/minor 2nd degree tissue damage.
B Rank - 2-3 inch cuts, able to break bones with concussive force, or deal major 2nd/minor 3rd Degree tissue damage. Wounds at this rank, if they hit a vital area, can be lethal if not treated with haste; most often, it is at this rank that ninja can start to bleed out.
A Rank - Can cut or pierce directly through an individual, or shatter bones, or deal major 3rd-degree and possibly even 4th-degree tissue damage. The most powerful A-rank jutsu are fatal on direct impact, but larger-range techniques can still cause appreciable damage. 
S Rank - Able to rend people apart with ease, crush even bone to dust, incinerate, or do damage of the like. These jutsu have the ability to cause death even at a distance; for this reason, they are considered 'overkill'.


Secondly, summons start at D rank, so remove the E rank parts.

I notice your kkg doesn’t go up to S rank, which kinda limits your use of the kkg summons when you get high rank. But then again, you can’t be taking S rank damage to summon them otherwise you’re basically dead anyways without the use of some sneaky medical jutsus. What I suggest is making each rank of the kkg require damage of the rank below it (C requires D damage, ect.). This way you can get to S rank without dying.

You can probably group the pros of the kkg in with the damage tiers for a cleaner look.

Add in somewhere that the summon has the bonuses granted to it of it’s rank on the chart and all the previous ranks.

“ At D Rank, the goat summon can be taught to learn Akuma Ato: Akuma no Hana. “
Summons are applied for in the jutsu registration section, and are grouped with all their usable jutsu. They aren’t like pets in how they ‘learn’ jutsu. So how I would phrase it is something like: ‘the goat summon can use the jutsu Akuma no Hana without it taking up one of it’s jutsu slots. Akuma no Hana must be included in the application of the goat summon and it’s jutsu’.

“When activated, the goat’s horns will be covered in fire…”
All of this jutsu description needs to be in the jutsu itself, maybe a separate section that explains how the jutsu takes effect when a summon uses it.

“At C rank, the goat summon will appear as specified by the user”
I don’t really know what you mean by this, can you expand? The summon would appear just as it has been apped, or is there some reason why this is not the case? If you want the summon to have a signature look then explain what each rank looks like.

“When using this Jutsu with the goat summon … make the hand signs.”
This doesn’t really follow. So you are saying that the summon can use the jutsu, but it is you making the hand signs. Hand signs are used to mould chakra, so it would be you using the jutsu, not the summon.

  • You could just have it so that the goat can use it without hand signs
  • As summons can only use jutsu of it’s owners specs, state that the user has to have genjutsu for the summon to be able to use this.


“The goat summon will now be able to use this skull as a shield ... bought once again by the user.”
This seems very weak to me. Why not make it A rank plus regenerate every time it is summoned? Add in that you don’t have to have bukijutsu for the summon to wear the skull.  Also I would like you to preset the item as follows:
Skull shield:
Name:
Type of Armor:
Rank:
Elemental Alignment:
Quantity:
Protection:
Ability/Function:
Appearance:
History:


“The goat summon will no longer need the user to weave hand signs for it for any jutsu”
:I how does it use handsigns without hands

I would like you to add more to the A rank, you’re not really getting anything extra over B rank. Feel free to add more jutsu that it can learn, or some more bonuses.


Drawbacks:

“...Foolhardy as a negative trait.”
Add in: ‘without balancing it with a positive’


Jutsu:

Akuma Ato: Akuma no hana (Demon Art: The Devil’s Flower)

This is a ninjutsu jutsu.

Taiyou no Shinkirou (The Sun’s Mirage)

So all jutsu should conform to the jutsu guidelines. For range, the limits are as follows:
Jutsu ranges:
Single-direction ranges | Radius effects
E Rank - 0-5m | 1m radius
D Rank - 5-25m | 2-4m radius
C Rank - 25-40m |4-6m radius
B Rank - 40-60m | 6-15m radius
A Rank - 60-80m | 15-30m radius
S Rank - 80-100m | 30-50m radius





Whew! Make those changes and come back for more when you are ready. Also remember to read up on the appropriate guidelines when making your clan, all of the info in spoilers here could be found over there.


____

 
Buki: SS | Nin: SS | Rai: SS | Fuu: SS
D: 4 | C: 12 | B: 7 | A: 1 | S: 1

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