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1 Medusa on Sun Jan 15, 2017 10:26 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
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Clan Name: Medusa
Location: Scattered
Specialization: Medical Ninjutsu
Elements: N/A



Clan History: Origins of the scattered Medusa aren't well-documented. Medusa have been known to be mercenaries who assist in the affairs of others through using collaboration jutsu. The founder wanted to forcefully use collaboration jutsu to gain power over some region, but he failed in doing so and most likely developed this Kekkei Genkai through his own means. Some documents portray conflict in the Land of Earth, but not much can be confirmed in current times.
Members: Burnrae (founder), Officer (current).



Kekkei Genkai Name: Medusa Homunculus
Kekkei Genkai Description:
Medusa Homunculus is a Kekkei Genkai affiliated with medical ninjutsu. The user uses a transformation on a restrained/knock out NPC target to turn them into an enhanced minion to use for their command. Members of the clan tend to carry around unconscious wild animals that can't harm people unless transformed.



1. Medical ninjutsu can be used 1 rank higher (so genin B-rank). The avatars are considered to be AT THIS RANK.

2. Summary: The clansmen use their KKG to forcefully transform NPC in contact (mainly animals to not become rogue) into an enhanced avatar (they need to be UNCONSCIOUS or totally suppressed chakra similar to the guy Jiraiya made into a frog), and give them stats up to the rank one can use for medical ninjutsu. Afterwards, the user can control the NPC as they wish as if their chakra is suppressed or they're in an unconscious state. At genin's maximum power for example, an avatar similar to the Dead Soul Technique/Nagai clan/Iwagakure Kinjutsu/Ink Release/Earth Release: Strong Servant Warrior Technique would be created with B-2 stats. In other words, this portion is only similar to those techniques in that this technique creates a controlled construct with stats. Unlike the Nagai clan, avatars don't do jutsu damage and instead have increased defense. Using this is considered using the Transformation Technique as a medical ninjutsu Kekkei Genkai version, and the user can fuse with the avatar to get a NPC's chakra type or to give the NPC their own, through using a medical ninjutsu Release KKG version of Combination Transformation. The changing of chakra type serves to protect NPC from sanctions (by taking the user's signature), or to protect the user from sensing, but all it does is change the user's chakra signature. So, if the fusees were sensed only one of them would be recognized as "Bob" using his techniques. They can still be sensed in any way, and they've only taken on the chakra type of someone else. If somebody had Byakugan or the various approved sensory techniques that bypasses Transformation Technique, they'd still see it was the user instead of the NPC, but their chakra type would be different.

3. Creation: The user pays chakra equivalent or below to their medical ninjutsu specialization able to be used (so E-rank E, B is B, etc.), and creates a transformed avatar of a NPC through contact, that can't be reflected, negated, or prevented from being maintained from pain, with E-rank starting at 1 minion. The stats of the avatars are for it's rank-2 (so E-2 stats for example at E-rank). The avatar is exceptionally durable (similar to Gamabunta gaining real claws as Kyuubi) while being controlled by the user fully, and can block one technique a rank higher, 2 techniques of it's own rank, or 3 techniques of 1 rank lower before breaking. Alternatively, the user can opt not to create a defensive avatar, and instead have an additional avatar created per rank of their medical specialization up to 7 at SS-rank. In this case, the avatars have their durability divided per each additional one created and if only a single one is created they'd withstand 1 technique of their own rank.

4. Size/chakra: Size varies from an inch avatar to base Transformation Technique size (so no gigantic avatars)/+1 meter at E for avatar travel range from the user, +2 meters each rank with max rank limited to 15 meters as a bonus. Every avatar created upon contact has a base duration upkeep and cost for their rank, with divided avatars only having 1 cost needing to be paid. Additional avatars don't require additional chakra if the cost is paid upfront, but if the defensive version is used multiple times they obviously would require separate chakra costs.

5. Collaboration: Clones or clansmen can use a collaboration version. Similar to Four Violet Flames, the user's avatar gains an extra rank of defense. In other words, this portion is only similar to Four Violet Flames in that it's a collaboration defense. Through initially having made an individual forcefully use the Transformation Technique, they've created a collaborator. By paying an additional rank chakra cost equal to the avatar, they can fuse with their contacted avatar through a medical ninjutsu Collaboration Transformation, and the avatar is then considered to be +1 rank (counting as the only boost it can have), along with taking on a chakra signature of only one component (so the clansmen's or the NPC's). They can still be sensed in any way, and they've only taken on the chakra type of someone else. If somebody had Byakugan or the various approved sensory techniques that bypasses Transformation Technique, they'd still see it was the user instead of the NPC, but their chakra type would be different.

6. Attack: If the avatar makes contact with someone or their chakra armor, the contacted opponent is damaged anywhere inside their body by their own strength stat through the opposition's body tensing (AKA being turned to stone), applied every post of contact.

7. They don't do rank damage besides the tensing, and need to rely on physical strength.

8. A free B-rank is started with.

9. Clansmen have the below Special Characteristic.

Name: Multitasker
Type: Positive
Description: This individual is able to divide their focus equally among multiple tasks. This Special Characteristic allows a Shinobi complete multiple tasks at one time such as performing Kugutsu with one hand and performing jutsu hand seals with the other simultaneously.

Drawbacks:
Negative Characteristics:
An animal/weak NPC needs to be captured and stated in a member's possession before they enter a topic. If an individual isn't irreparably unconscious, they could be woken up.
Unable to learn tertiary or quaternary elements.
Unable to learn quaternary specialisation.
-10 to chakra pool.
Cowardice SC due to not being used to personally confronting others.
Short Fuse SC as they tend to be controlling.
The clan negative SC can't be balanced with positive ones.



Last edited by Officer Finale on Sat Feb 11, 2017 7:49 pm; edited 6 times in total

2 Re: Medusa on Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:29 pm

Ayakashi

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New Clans do 'not' get free jutsu, im sorry, you will have to remove them and edit the clan accordingly to say that they get them free as a part of the KKG which would have to be balanced.


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~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

3 Re: Medusa on Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:22 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
Hey, thanks for checking.

The jutsu aren't free besides the extra B-rank that I saw some clans have a special characteristic for. I added that the jutsu aren't free anyhow.

I looked around and found at some point that free jutsu were removed from clans (which I'm guessing is what you mean), but the jutsu at the bottom of the clan aren't free. The jutsu at the bottom are meant to be gotten as separate jutsu using the jutsu slots as normal, but I saw that some people have jutsu at the bottom of their clan so I added them.

I'm going to use my open jutsu slots for each of the jutsu at the bottom instead of adding clan characteristics to start with them and having to balance them out.


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4 Re: Medusa on Tue Jan 31, 2017 2:53 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
...2 weeks later, and this is now officially awkward.


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5 Re: Medusa on Thu Feb 02, 2017 3:00 am

Ayakashi

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1/ it's been A week, and I'm on holiday. I'm also not the only person approved to mod clans.

2/ I'm sorry I didn't word it properly the first time, Jutsu are not a part of the clans section, could you please remove them?

You also have a lot to go through. I'm not going to allow you to control unconsious PC's with this ability as that would literally be the definition of godmodding (controlling another players' character without permission.) Following that, you have a LOT to define in this ability, so i would suggest that you make a list of the properties an 'avatar' is given. Break it down bit by bit, you say they have higher defense, what kind?

Chakra transfer is not a jutsu apped on this site yet. So it's not something that can be used.

Lots to do.


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~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

6 Re: Medusa on Thu Feb 02, 2017 4:51 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
No no, I'm not blaming you in particular. I'm simply noting it's been 2 weeks since I posted the application. I don't mind removing the jutsu, as it'll save me a slot. I went through all the clans though and thought I saw recently approved ones with jutsu placed at the bottom.

Is Chakra Transfer banned? I mean, if it can be apped I don't see the issue (I'll app it if needed), but removed anyhow.

Removed PC and followed all instructions. The higher defense is just the base for defensive techniques, while the Collaboration Transformation version boosts it up to the defense of Four Violet Flames.

Thanks for checking.


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7 Re: Medusa on Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:56 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
Bump


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8 Re: Medusa on Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:39 pm

Ayakashi

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"Unable to learn taijutsu.
Unable to learn bukijutsu." may as well remove these, they're not considered active drawbacks :)

What do you mean, use the NPC's charka type? You can't use elements you don't have. Maybe a primary element, but nothing more.

Your size / chakra section is super unclear, im having a hard time understanding what you mean, are you saying that these avatars are like, 10m+ big? That's insane. Tone it waaaay down to like, 15m at max rank.

For the record, I don't know all the referrences you're making in comparison to other techniques, it would be better to explain things in full than quick referrence others


____



~ Jutsu List ~ Aya's Stats ~ Item Lockup ~ Jutsu Rej ~
Theme Song
Taijutsu SS-Bukijutsu SS-Senjutsu S || Fuuton SS-Suiton SS-Hyouton SS

EP: 5

9 Re: Medusa on Sat Feb 11, 2017 7:42 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
I mean, I saw other clans have those drawbacks, so I had added them in. Removed though anyhow.

It just means that if somebody sensed the individual they'd be sensing that NPC's chakra instead of the user's, similar to Kabuto taking on other chakra types. It doesn't give any jutsu, elements, etc. and it only allows them to be recognized as someone else. They can still be sensed in any way, and they've only taken on the chakra type of someone else. If somebody had Byakugan or the various approved sensory techniques that bypasses Transformation Technique, they'd still see it was me instead of the NPC, but my chakra type would be different.

Lowered ranges, I don't see how it was bad though with how summons can be large as well. E-rank 1 meter, every rank increase +2 meters now.

References are just references. Dead Soul has controlled corpses with stats presumably, Nagai clan has a construct, Iwagakure Kinjutsu creates them, Ink Release creates them, Earth Golem creates them, etc. they're just examples. Four Violet Flames is just referenced as an example for a collaboration defense.

Edited for all requests again anyway. I'm adding in all moderation requests so hopefully we're good now.


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10 Re: Medusa on Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:00 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
Bump


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11 Re: Medusa on Mon Feb 20, 2017 9:28 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
??? Bump


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12 Re: Medusa on Sat Feb 25, 2017 10:29 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
Come on people I'm ready to RP. I want to Naruto RP. The clan section isn't being looked at nicely.

Bump


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13 Re: Medusa on Tue Mar 07, 2017 10:39 pm

Officer Finale

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Genin
Officer Finale wrote:Come on people I'm ready to RP. I want to Naruto RP. The clan section isn't being looked at nicely.

Bump


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14 Re: Medusa on Wed Mar 08, 2017 9:33 pm

Ano

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Genin
I duly apologize for the wait! Thank you for being so patient and sticking with Saga! I'm one of the new clan mods, so if I messed anything up, feel free to correct me~

I would like just a bit more expansion on your history; pithy is fine, intentionally vague is just a bit unsatisfying. (If you're worried about people finding out your KKG through means that might be used from your history, that is disallowed.)

I will read through this writeup, but for the ease of myself in future run-throughs and those who will look over your clan in the future upon approval, please use the [list], [spoiler], and/or [hr ] codes to break up your paragraphs as you see fit. If the formatting has affected my comprehension of the clan’s contents, I apologize in advance.

+1 to Medical usage is fine. Just be aware that you cannot use elemental jutsu, or multiple-specialization jutsu, of that higher rank.

You need to give specific conditions for how one might wake up a Non-Player character, as you state in the Weaknesses section. Likewise, bringing an already-KO’d animal or NPC into the beginning of a thread is awfully convenient; animals are easier to subdue than humans, generally speaking, so starting a thread with an animal Homunculus would be fine. However, even NPCs should have to be ‘gathered’ from a thread, IC; is there any difference between using humans or animals? (Perhaps two or so tiers of stats’ difference? It would make it worth it to actually RP out kidnapping a human and, erm, Homunculizing them.)

I recommend you completely remove the references to other jutsu for similarity’s sake. All of the examples are rather superfluous information when “this ability creates a construct controlled by the user” is plenty sufficient. Likewise, remove references to the Nagai clan. I do not anticipate it being approved for long. If anything, this ability is akin to the Dead Soul Technique in that it can manipulate a body that does not have its 'owner' controlling it.

The most I could allow for the homunculus’ base stats are the physical ones - Strength, Speed, and Endurance, additionally only in the C-rank range. (2 ranks higher makes it effortlessly able to demolish anyone of equal rank in a physical bout.)  Perception and Reaction Time don’t much make sense here if the Homunculus is controlled by you directly, anyhow. Or am I wrong, and they do have autonomy?

I recommend putting the Chakra Signature Change ability in a place other than the Summary. Perhaps in the Collaboration section, since it also governs merging with the Homunculus?

For the beginning your Creation section, again, you need to make your wording more concise; there’s a lot of verbiage here that can be eliminated without sacrificing clarity. “The user pays chakra equal to a jutsu of any Medical rank they can cast” is much easier to understand than “The user pays chakra equivalent or below to their medical ninjutsu specialization able to be used (so E-rank E, B is B, etc.)”, simply because it provides a solid reference point via the Jutsu Rules instead of a parenthetical aside. I recommend transferring all information about chakra costs to the appropriate Chakra section.

The part about Gamabunta gaining real claws when transformed into Kurama is a jarring misplacement of information; it really has no visible connection to the durability mentioned in the rest of the sentence. Please explain or remove it.

Block, as in a defensive technique? Can they be used as living shields, then? Or is this simply their durability and resistance to damage? I only ask because there’s a ‘defensive version’ below, and I’m not quite sure if that means that this version isn’t inherently defensive.

Due to the nature of defensive techniques on Saga, ‘division’ doesn’t function well as a standalone term in reference to them. You need to explicate the durability of these non-defensive homunculi when made in numbers greater than 1.

As to size, can you perhaps separate your lines of thought? You merge the notion about the construct’s size to the range at which it can travel from the user, and the lack of an immediate interruptor admittedly confused me for a bit.

Please rephrase your wording to the more common phrases, such as “maintenance” instead of “upkeep”. This is solely for the ease of reading. What does “base duration” mean, though?

One cost for a number of less-durable avatars is fine by me. We have C-rank clone jutsu that do similarly, though if there are more homunculi, I’d prefer if their stats went down juuust a tad, to keep it balanced.

Collaboration is okay, due to the increased cost, but you may want to restructure it so as to accommodate the full breadth of the Chakra Signature Change, as I asked earlier. Also, can you expound on whether you gain the stats of the Homunculus or not when you merge? I’m not quite sure if I missed that.

The clan drawbacks are solid, and aren’t bad considering your main ability requires chakra.

A free B-rank what is started with? A jutsu, or?


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