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1 Void on Thu Mar 29, 2018 7:06 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
Void



Last edited by Kyorinrin on Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:31 pm; edited 20 times in total

2 Re: Void on Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:04 am

Syekren Uchiha

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Hey there, I'll be doing the modding on this clan for now, to help you get acquainted with what we expect from clans!

Let's Start.

KKG Description:


  • Acid Release is a part of boil release, so you may not have that as part of your clan.
  • Molt doesn't really explain the effectiveness of this at each rank and should inversely require more chakra as ranked up, not less, to escape from death or heal wounds. This should also require medical ninjutsu.
  • Bloodlessness lists that your base speed starts a rank higher than normal, which isn't too bad itself but is insanely good and would need a good drawback to balance such a thing. It would also need reasoning for it to be started at such a high rank and why you get a 20% training wordcount discount.
  • Centipede Crypt seems to be more like Aburame insects than anything and doesn't make sense to the rest of the clan. Your numbers for how many you spawn and how strong they are will not be allowed in its current form.
  • Limbs is just a no from me. I am not objecting the limbs as part of the kekkei genkai, but you're not going to make perfect replicas for -1 chakra a turn, no matter what rank you are.


Drawbacks:


  • KKG Training doesn't really belong in drawbacks as it's part of unlocking your kekkei genkai as a whole. It would need to be moved up into the description with the word counts increased, preferably rounded off to the nearest hundred.
  • Destruction of Crypt doesn't make sense. It would need to be inversely affected by rank, instead of a flat C-2 for each rank. It's too weak as is, but you can keep this if you want.
  • Acid Release being taken from this clan means you would need to remove this drawback as well.



All in all, you have too much going on here that is beneficial and almost no drawbacks to speak of. I'd like you to take into consideration everything I've pointed out and make edits, thank you!


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Ninjutsu: S | Taijutsu: S | Genjutsu: A | Katon: S | Raiton: S | Fuuton : B

3 Re: Void on Sat Mar 31, 2018 5:24 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
Hello! Thanks for taking the time to do this. It's really helped me to understand the nuances a bit more.

So:

Acid release has been removed

Molt's ability scaling has been equalized with more chakra usage per rank. I also added medical jutsu as a specialization.

I actually happen to think that the crypt gland is entirely relevant to the clan. As such, I've nerfed the amount created drastically. I've also inversely scaled their strength with a characters own stat strength.

The chakra need for mutli limbs is a bit higher. (Let me know if it should be higher.)

I think the Third Curse of Oomukade is the perfect check and balance for the D base speed stat and 20% off total WC. It will be in drawbacks in a spoiler.

You'll notice I took your advice for when a a clansmens' crypt gland is ruptured. Inversely affecting it by rank instead of a blanket stat.

Removed acid release weakness in exchange for a dermal elemental weakness.

I also added Anthropodic regeneration, along with a pretty active and impactful drawback.

4 Re: Void on Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:58 pm

Syekren Uchiha

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KKG Description:


  • Molt should have all of the effects at each rank under the description of molt, same for everything else here. You will also need a static number, 10% is not acceptable in this case. It must take anywhere from 10 chakra or 200 chakra from the pool. (This is an exaggerated number, but it has to have a static number instead of percentages, for technical issues.)
  • Anthropodic Regeneration would need a chakra cost and cool downs, you might as well make it a jutsu instead when you create your character.
  • Limbs being created and granting length to the torso would not cost the exact same amount for every rank no matter how many limbs are created, it's just unbalanced in terms of this site.
  • Centipede Crypt would need a much higher chakra cost, as we work in increments of 5 on this site, and you're not getting away with -1 for a bunch of centipede minions. I also need you to explain or clarify what them feeding their chakra signature into a user will actually do. As an added note, we work by the metric system on site, so you'll need to convert speeds to meters per second.
  • Venomous Fangs is a no from me. It sounds like a poison initially but also gives D-Rank ninja a paralysis (which starts at B-Rank). I'm not allowing it.


Drawbacks:


  • Molt Necessity isn't really a drawback since C-Rank is what secondary specs start at. You'd be better off replacing this with Hesistant (Specialization) negative SC and just putting Medical ninjutsu into the Specializations at the top of the clan.
  • Dermal Armour isn't mentioned anywhere else on the clan app except for in the drawbacks. If they're weak to lightning release, put that it interacts against them as +1 rank higher. IE: D-Rank acts as C-Rank against a clan member. But if you're trying to say your clan has natural armour without including it in the application, you'll notice you won't be allowed the perks of such armour.
  • Curse of the Oomukade tier 3 isn't a drawback since you can't raise your stats higher than your ninja rank. At chuunin, your max stat tiers are C-3, so this "drawback" doesn't do anything to balance the clan.
  • Inherited Deeds isn't really a drawback, it's flavour text.


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Ninjutsu: S | Taijutsu: S | Genjutsu: A | Katon: S | Raiton: S | Fuuton : B

5 Re: Void on Sun Apr 08, 2018 2:37 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
Molt Given Static numbers, and list of effects for rank
Anthropodic Regeneration Removed. And good idea.
Temporary limbs Given a static number, and effects in list like molt
Centipede crypt ive decided that ill just list it as an ability. Capabilties are list. I think allowing jutsu to be formed around it (like implicit clan jutsu) would be better
Venomous fangs Removed

Molt neccesityjust restates the need for medical ninjutsu. Took you advice and also conjoined with takeing specialization hesitant
Dermal Armour removed, but applied that same logic to temporary limbs
Curse of Oomukade (3) gave training strength stat a 30% WC
inherited Deeds Removed

Do you see any considerable drawbacks to the clan that should be applied?


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 [Kyorinrin] | [Akui] | [Jutsu] [Locker] [Stats] [Theme 1/2]

6 Re: Void on Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:54 pm

Syekren Uchiha

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Getting a bit closer

KKG:


  • Molt is way overpowered. Have you looked at the ranks you get to basically come back from death? You'll need to scale this based on the damage values for jutsu in our jutsu guidelines and you will not be allowed the max. And generally if you're going to have a passive ability like this, you'll want to make it start at C or B-Rank and have it remove -50, -100, -150, etc. Because you're getting passive regeneration with no cooldowns here. You'd also need to put the amount of posts between each regen 'wave.' IE: Heals 'x' over three posts, every other posts. With the deadlier wounds being healed after a longer time.
  • Limbs should just cap out at a maximum of eight. It'll give you a total of ten limbs (making you a decapede) and is balanced enough. S{S} rank has no difference to A rank so you'd likely just want this to start at C/B rank or just make it a jutsu. Possibly make a blurb in the clan instead that states something to the note of: "The clansmen are able to generate limbs to be used in conjunction with jutsu, the maximum they can create depends on their rank and each rank must be trained."
  • Bloodlessnes is fine, going to assume the almost relentless stamina bit is flavour text.
  • Kekke Genkai Training is still too low. Round up to the nearest hundred instead of a number like 420 and increase the counts needed since this is a lot you're wanting.


Drawbacks:


  • Crypt Destruction still seems a bit weak. Instead of just the tailbone make it that their back takes more damage or that it's a couple tiers weaker than other places on their body. Either that or balance this a bit better, because thinking on it, that's an incredibly small target to hit. Just take a static -1 Endurance debuff (I'd recommend -2)
  • Molt Necessity doesn't really make sense or explain why you have to take Hesitant (Specialization). Just say that it has to be taken and can't be balanced with a positive. Those words exactly, because it shouldn't be balanced.


Everything else is fine.


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Ninjutsu: S | Taijutsu: S | Genjutsu: A | Katon: S | Raiton: S | Fuuton : B

7 Re: Void on Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:52 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
Molt Scaled with Jutsu Healing charts. Now begins at C Rank. Also works by 50 incrementally like suggested
Limbs Capped at 8. Blurb added.
Bloodlessness Very flavorful
KG Increased word count. Should it be higher?

Crypt destroyed Took your recommendation
Molt Neccessity Changed as requested.


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 [Kyorinrin] | [Akui] | [Jutsu] [Locker] [Stats] [Theme 1/2]

8 Re: Void on Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:27 pm

Syekren Uchiha

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Honestly the biggest problems are Molt and Extra Limbs. You're not going to have any chakra at all. They'd just be better off as jutsu or much weaker than they are now to pass at much less of a cost. The mission requirements to train are also unneeded.


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Ninjutsu: S | Taijutsu: S | Genjutsu: A | Katon: S | Raiton: S | Fuuton : B

9 Re: Void on Tue Apr 17, 2018 12:47 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
added the blurbs. itll probably be better that way


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 [Kyorinrin] | [Akui] | [Jutsu] [Locker] [Stats] [Theme 1/2]

10 Re: Void on Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:53 am

Syekren Uchiha

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Due to several omissions, half of your kekkei genkai description doesn't even make sense. "Passive part of their physiology" but also "app for custom jutsu." Just being part of it. I'll just ask that you clean it up a bit and make it clear and concise, if they don't have active abilities in the clan you can remove them and remove one drawback for each part.

Also, what is "Duton"?


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Ninjutsu: S | Taijutsu: S | Genjutsu: A | Katon: S | Raiton: S | Fuuton : B

11 Re: Void on Mon Apr 23, 2018 4:43 am

Kyorinrin

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Genin
I think I cleaned it up? But because I want it to be active, I went ahead and scaled it again. Molt's name has been changed to Anthropodic Regneration and it's capabilities have been simplified and limited.

Temporary Limbs were removed, Along with centipede crypt and each of their respective drawbacks.

I added Seismic Sense along with it's stat buffs. I also gave it it's own drawback.

And duton was a typo for doton.


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 [Kyorinrin] | [Akui] | [Jutsu] [Locker] [Stats] [Theme 1/2]

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